It’s a picturesque winter night. White, fluffy snow is gently falling to the ground, the trees have a certain sparkle to their bare branches and holiday lights are glowing. But as Jennifer Seitz walks up the sidewalk to her Christmas Eve dinner, with presents in hand, tears come to her eyes as she is flooded with memories of her father who won’t be there waiting for her.

It’s the first Christmas since her father’s passing six months ago, and the sadness is overwhelming. She is reminded of the void everywhere she looks. His chair is empty at the dinner table, the load of gifts under the tree no longer are wrapped for him and it’s just not the same when she doesn’t hear his voice welcoming each family member to the traditional Christmas Eve dinner.

Coping with a death of a loved one during the holidays can be extremely difficult, as the season is known for bringing families together.

Mary Ann Rosenbloom, program services coordinator at Hospice & Palliative Care Manitoba says that there are many triggers for individuals who are grieving, like driving by a favourite restaurant or seeing an old photograph. “The holidays tend to be a particularly big trigger for most people,” she says. “It’s seen as a special family time. And when your loved one is not a part of it, there’s that puzzle piece missing.”
Mary Ann provides advice, assistance and education to people who have recently been faced with a family member’s death or have a loved one with a terminal illness. She has helped many people get through the holidays and has some sage advice. “It’s a time to be gentle,” she says. “Let yourself feel the loss and remember. If you try to ignore your feelings, it’s going to be hard. If you sit around and cry for a while—that’s good too.”

New traditions can be started to bring comfort to families. Mary Ann suggests giving a gift in your loved one’s name.

To remember her father, Jennifer bought a candle that she keeps lit throughout the Christmas season. “It brings our entire family comfort to light the special red candle for Dad,” she says. “The flame, to us, represents that he is with us in spirit.”

Rosenbloom suggests a list of coping strategies, written by Margaret Robinson of Loss and Bereavement Consultation Services in Sherwood Park, Alta., for people coping with grief during the holidays:
• Acknowledge the holiday season will be different and difficult.
• Accept your limitations.
• Give yourself permission to make changes and eliminate activities that may be too painful/stressful. Create new traditions—something that is meaningful to you.
• Plan your shopping ahead of time. Make a list, go on a good day, shop by catalogue or ask a friend to accompany you.
• Be honest with your feelings—with everyone else, and especially yourself.
• Take some time to talk with your family and find out what everyone wishes for.
• Keep your children informed. Tell them the truth. Cry with them.
• Accept the grieving process. Be non- judgemental of family members or friends whose grief may be expressed differently than yours.
• Give yourself permission to do what you need to do: leave early or bow out.
• Spend some time alone. Write in your journal, listen to music, meditate, pray. Be in touch with your feelings. Be prepared for tears, they are healing.
• Reminisce with the family album— celebrate the relationships.
• Let people know your needs. Be gracious in accepting an outstretched hand, it is given in love.

Mary Ann suggests people use the COPE acronym, written by Margaret Robinson, to get through the holiday season: C—Clear your mind—release your feelings and bring them to the surface where you can deal with them; O—Organize—Examine your traditions and set priorities appropriate to your emotional load; P—Plan how you will survive the holiday season, nothing is ever as bad as your worst imaginings; E—Execute your carefully considered plan. Stand back, take a second look at them and be prepared to be flexible.

For those with a loved one with a terminal illness, Mary Ann says to make sure to include them during the holidays wherever possible. Be festive, they’ll enjoy it. Pace yourself, take time to rest. Many of the coping strategies work here as well. If the terminally ill person fatigues easily take this into consideration.

It’s important to remember that losing a loved one is not something that you can just “get over.” It will get easier with time, but the sadness will continue to surface, especially at special times like the holidays.

To volunteer with Hospice & Palliative Care Manitoba, call 889-8525. There is a formal application process and an eight- evening training session. Volunteers may choose to work as companions with the terminally ill, or those who are grieving, or help out at special events.

Dinner Music

The holidays are chock full of celebrations that rely on familiar touchstones to make our guests feel welcome and relaxed. The festive decorations, the candles, the fabulous food and the tinkle of ice hitting a glass all transform our homes each holiday season. Yet, many of us forget about the auditory part of our party ambiance or we fall back on the tired and dated Christmas CDs that languish in our collections.
Bringing music into your home that is inspiring and contributes to setting a festive mood is not hard, it just takes a bit of planning and a healthy iTunes account.

Classy and Classic
Nothing says sophistication like classical music. Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker, Bach’s Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desire or Handel’s Messiah are the obvious choices. If you want to dig a bit deeper try Herbert’s March of the Toys, Canto Noel from Coro de monjes del Monasterio Benedictino de Santo Domingo de Silos or the beautiful California men’s choir Chanticleer and their album Sing We Christmas. Moving away from seasonal music you might include a bit of pianist Claude Bolling, violinist Yo-Yo Ma, or composer Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons.

Jazzy
The classic jazz Christmas CD is A Charlie Brown Christmas by pianist Vince Guaraldi. Jazz is a great choice if you want to move away from Christmas-specific music and go for universal appeal. You can honour the giants of jazz with discs like Miles Davis’ A Kind of Blue, John Coltrane’s A Love Supreme or Dave Brubeck’s Time Out. I suggest you try some newer artists and mix in Diana Krall, Wayne Shorter, Ornette Coleman or Branford Marsalis.

Music For Your Mom’s Place
You need to up the cheese factor a bit when dining at your mother’s so here are a few sure bets: Sinatra (need I say more?), Tony Bennett, Andrea Bocelli, Josh Groban, and Micheal Bublé. With the exception of Frank and Tony you are really on the edge of good taste here. Going over the edge is easy to do so stay away from anything by Enya, Yanni, John Tesh, or Kenny G. Back away slowly from the CD player and put down that remote.

Hip Christmas Records
Tired of Boney M or Rita MacNeil every Christmas (and who wouldn’t be?) then try out these yule time nuggets: James Brown’s Funky Christmas, Chris Isaak Christmas, the Elf soundtrack, or, for a local flavour, Steve Bell’s The Feast is my favourite. My guilty pleasure comes from a 1972 recording by Nana Mouskouri with gorgeous versions of Ave Maria and Old Toy Trains.

The Modern Dinner Party
If you are hosting your own dinner party here are some surefire hits that will have people admiring your taste in music as well as wine. Pink Martini are red hot right now and can be found by the bucket load at McNally. Ray Charles or Nat King Cole are great retro choices. Winnipeg’s own Wailin’ Jennys find their way into all my parties, as does Romi Mayes, Alana Levandoski and The Weakerthans. New artists like Serena Ryder, Rilo Kiley, Cat Power, Jamie Cullum and James Hunter all deserve a spin. Mix them in with Norah Jones, Van Morrison, Feist, John Mayer, Joni Mitchell, Josh Rouse, Corinne Bailey Rae, Dr. John and Sarah Slean and you’ll have a great dinner party mix. After dinner get the dancing started with Moses Mayes,
B-52’s, Bob Marley or the Fratellis.

Now pour me a big Aussie red wine like Wits End’s “The Procrastinator” and pass the olives.

Bright Light, Little City
FASHION COMES TO COTTAGE COUNTRY

Most cottage town businesses tend to lean towards the functional: a bank, a hardware store, some grocers, an insurance agent. But Aurora, the chic clothing and accessories boutique on Gimli’s Centre Street, seems a fitting (and fashionable) addition to the thriving Interlake community.

Step inside the boutique and you’ll find 30-year-old Lindsey Palson perched on a bar stool behind the counter, welcoming visitors to the colourful little shop she opened last year with her mother, and business partner, Debbie. Enveloping shoppers in soft and feminine shades of turquoise and dusty lavender, shelves of slouchy handbags line the walls. Folded stacks of comfy yoga gear sit neatly on glass tables while hanging racks carry something for everyone, from cozy sleepwear to chunky warm knits and chic eveningwear.

“We knew coming into it that we had to have something for (my mom’s) age group, something for my age group and a little younger,” says Palson of her range of styles, sizes and price points that cater to both the permanent local population and summer cottagers. “Otherwise I don’t think we would have had as good of a go with the business.”

A Winnipeg native, Palson headed to Vancouver after high school where she took a fashion merchandising course. Working behind the scenes on fashion shows and learning all aspects of the industry was an opportunity she couldn’t get in Winnipeg. But she always intended on bringing her training and experience home.

Palson honed her fashion merchandising chops locally, managing the downstairs boutique at Edward Carriere. She learned quickly and was soon being brought on buying trips and pilgrimages to New York shows, giving her invaluable hands-on experience that allowed her to make the leap into small business.

“I knew that I loved what I was doing,” says Palson, of her five years with the trendy and well-known shop and salon. “And I knew I wanted to continue doing it. But I also knew that I was just ready to do it on my own.”

Having grown up spending her summers at the family cottage near Gimli, she always had the town in the back of her mind as a location for her business and could feel the community budding into a major centre during visits.

In her building alone, Palson is one of four new businesses that opened in the last year. And with new condominiums and business developments (Sobey’s opened in June) popping up all over the local landscape, it doesn’t look like it will slow down anytime soon.

Besides being able to score prime downtown Gimli real estate for her shop, Palson was able to buy a brand new home for considerably less than she would have paid in Winnipeg’s hot real estate market. And being only an hour’s drive from the city affords her the best of both worlds. She drives in regularly to enjoy such urban activities as attending MTC and visiting new restaurants with friends.

“You can have both!” says Palson of her fashionable big city style, which seems right at home in her new relaxing rural lifestyle.

Aurora is located at #3-40 Centre Street, Gimli, MB. Phone: (204) 642-5258.

More Lifesavers!
Passport to a Better Life
Oh Butter Boy
Your LIfe, Unlimited