Online technology takes bullying to a new level

For most parents and educators today, bullying is a topic that appears to be pervasive in society. From the schoolyard to the sports scene, bullying and the social and psychological effects experienced by individuals, families, schools, communities and society are being thrust into the spotlight more and more.

Bullying can be difficult to define. Many children have a good idea of what bullying is because they see it every day. Bullying happens when someone hurts or scares another person on purpose and the person being bullied has a hard time defending themselves. It is behaviour that makes the person being bullied feel afraid or uncomfortable. There are many ways young people bully each other, even if they don’t realize it at the time. Some of these include:

- Punching, shoving and other acts that hurt people physically
- Spreading rumours about people
- Excluding certain people out of a group; being clique-y
- Teasing people in a mean or inappropriate way
- Encouraging certain people to “gang up” on others

The introduction of the internet and smartphones has taken bullying to a new level. According to Karen* (not her real name) most young people are not bullies and try to take care of each other. As a school counselor with more than seven years’ experience, Karen stresses the majority of kids are well-behaved and using technology appropriately, and schools are safe. “What we’ve come to learn when it comes to bullying is that kids who are hurting then take their anger and sadness out on others with hurtful actions and behaviours. It is a vicious cycle that can be difficult to break.”

A bullying problem can become more difficult to diffuse when the bullied party does not come forward. Explains Karen, “Teachers and administrators cannot help if we don’t know there is a problem. We encourage any student experiencing bullying to tell an adult. Once we know, we can take proper action to shut it down. “The bullying Karen sees most often in her high school consists of: criticism of other’s clothes, body types, sexual orientation, racial background and/or sexual behavior (real or perceived); sexual put-downs (name calling); and disparities in social status.

With the internet, bullying can take on a life of its own. One innocent picture of a group of friends goofing around and being kids can garner endless comments — some nice, some snarky — in the space of a few minutes in cyberspace. While the feelings and sentiments captured in the comments may be a temporary judgment, the words are indelibly stored on the internet — one screen shot is all it takes to make a permanent record of a misstep. This forward thinking about actions and consequences is a skill most pre-teens and teenagers simply do not have. They live in the moment and their behaviours and reactions reflect this impulsivity and emotional immaturity to deal with long-term effects.

Explains Karen, “Many times, the technology is just not being used appropriately. It is not uncommon for a teenager on Facebook to have 500 or 600+ friends. What’s more is all of their friends are friends with the same people, therefore one comment or poorly thought out post can have dramatic effects on a large group of kids. Once the positions are formed online, then we see others jumping on the bandwagon to continue the badgering and bullying. It really can happen so quickly.”

Most adults can recall bullying stories from their own personal experiences. Either experiencing the bullying first-hand or perpetrating bullying tactics on others, most of us have been witness to a bullying situation. In Canada Anti-Bullying Day will take place on Friday, Dec. 16, 2011. Recent teen suicides have shed light on the reality that bullying is difficult to eradicate. But there are ways parents and educators can work together to create environments where bullying cannot flourish because a network of support and open communication thrive instead.

Noni Classen, Director of Education for Canadian Centre for Child Protection based in Winnipeg says that parents need to start conversations with their children about what healthy versus non-healthy relationships look like. When it comes to online bullying and the hostile environment that can ensue it is necessary, Classen asserts,”It is important parents pay attention to the emotional temperature of their children. Parents must stay connected to their children and provide a safety net for when children make mistakes.”

Karen, as a veteran school counselor, agrees parents should try to be in tune with their children to pick-up on even subtle changes that may indicate something is wrong in their world. She encourages parents, educators and para-professionals to promote safe environments and keep their eyes open for children who are isolated and alone. “At our school, we have a Breakfast Club program where children who need extra support and may be at-risk are given a support network.

We also try to offer opportunities where all kids can find their talents and shine in a public forum where their peers can see them in a different light. I can attest to the positive effects of these types of opportunities. Everyone walks away with a new perspective on each other’s abilities and special skills. It’s really great.”

As for what can be done to eradicate bullying, it is clear the onus is on the adults to model the behaviour we want to see in our children. Karen states this unequivocally, “Adults have to be on-board.” As seen in the recent Neepawa Natives hockey hazing incident, how adults handle bullying situations speaks volumes to the audience of children and young adults who look up to adults for concrete examples of how to conduct oneself appropriately. The children will take our lead. Karen stresses, “Teachers must model the appropriate behaviour. They also need to speak-up and emphatically state what language and behaviours are unacceptable in their homes, classrooms, neighbourhoods and communities.”

Bullying is not going to go away completely, but individuals can take steps to create environments where bullying and exclusion are not welcome. This means empowering our children to stand-up for themselves and fostering feelings of mastery and belonging. It means employing tactics such as role-playing where we help our children play out hypothetical situations that may be uncomfortable with the goal of giving them the tools and experience to say “no” to uncomfortable situations and commanding respect in both the schoolyard and peer groups. We all have a responsibility to promote open lines of communication and give our children the voice to speak out against bullies who capitalize on isolation and intimidation. Working together, we can quiet the bullies instead.